Cancer

 

Today my oncologist called.  She said "Hey you have a couple of minutes to talk?"  This 

means they have found something on my latest MRI.  Last November I had the last something removed. So I get to go back next week to have another biopsy.  I lost my mom 

18 years ago next month, today I sat and looked at my kids, having the same shitty thoughts 

about leaving them as I did in the fall. 

I am not sure which is worse having cancer or living with the fear of cancer.  Don't 

 misunderstand I know how bad it is, I watch it destroy my mom, but this terror that I live 

 with daily is awful.  Every test and scan involves so much stress and worry that I feel 

physically sick.  Today I sat in my room and cried my eyes out, I called my best friend and  

cried to her, I am crying now as I type this.

Sometime tonite I will move to the pissed off stage, where I just am like I don't give a fuck.  I 

mean whatever bring it on CANCER, I will kick your ASS!  My mom wrote me a letter when 

she was sick, I found it after she died.  It said that even though she didn't want to die and 

would fight to live she was at peace if God wanted to take her home.  I say BULLSHIT, 

screw that I got things to do so GOD is just going to have to wait for me...although in reality 

with some of the shit I have done it might be the other guy wait :)

So I will use the image of my favorite guy to get me thru!!